Number 2 Pencils: January 2008

Tom Cruise - The Scientology Interview (and the Interview REMIX!!!)

sorry about the spacing below - my computer was obviously corrupted by thetans

Let's Deconstruct This, Shall We?

Cruise: I think it’s a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist and it is something that you have to earn, (darn...and I went for that degree in education) and…because a Scientologist does. He, or she has the ability to create new and better realities (like on a holodeck? The Enterprise was full of Scientologists! GASP!) and improve conditions. Uh, being a Scientologist, you look at somebody and you know absolutely that you can help them(You can look at me and instantly know I need money? COOL! Thanks a bunch Tom!).

So, for me, it really is KSW(KEEP SHATNER WORKING?!?!), and it’s just like, it’s something that, uh, I don’t mince words with that(He does mince specific nouns, though). You know, with anything , but that policy to me has really has gone , boy, there’s a time I went through and I said, “You know what…” (What? WHAT? I can't know if you don't tell me!!!) When I read it, I just went "POOF! This is it. That’s exactly it. (unless you start saying what 'it' really is, I'm going to assume you're talking about the creepy clown from that Stephen King novel, OK?)"

Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it’s not like anyone else(you do not slow down and look - wow, a positive thing bout scientology...it keeps the traffic moving!). As you drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one that can really help (you are Obi-Wan Kenobi).

That’s…that’s what drives me, is that I know we have an opportunity, and uh, to really help for the first time effectively change people’s lives, and uh, I’m dedicated to that. I’m gonna, I’m absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to that (except for movies...and ummmm, Katie....and that baby, what'shername...uh, Sushi?).

Org are there to help, okay, but we as the public, we have a responsibility. It’s not just the Orgs, it’s not just David Miscavige, you know, it’s not just me. It’s you(me?), it’s everyone out there, kinds re-reading KSW and looking at what needs to be done and saying, “Okay! Am I going to do it or am I not going to do it?” Period. (soooo....we all have to KEEP SHATNER WORKING and have sex with the scary clown?) Am I going to look at that guy or am I too afraid because I have my own out-ethics, put in someone else’s ethics. That’s all it comes down to(I don't know if ethics and out-ethics are always convertible...you might need an adapter. TO THE HARDWARE STORE!).

And I won’t hesitate to put ethics in someone else, because I put it ruthlessly in myself(I could put a sexual reference here, but I won't, cause....A.I'm not that kind of girl...and B. I'm too confused). And I think that I…uh…I respect that, you know, in others(Them putting your ethics in their bodies??? Great, more 'Mission Impossible' sequels). And, you know, I’m there to help, and we’re here to help, and my opinion is is that, look, either you’re on board or you’re not on board(that doesn't seem very helpful). Okay, it’s just, if you’re on board, you’re on board just like the rest of us. Period(I think you're confusing "helpfulness" with "inflexibility").

We are the authorities in getting people off drugs. (Are you sure you don't need some?)We are the authorities on the mind(Do not adjust your television set. We control the vertical. We control the horizontal). We are the authorities on improving conditions. CRIMINON, we can rehabilitate criminals(Dear Judge, Please do not send me to jail for burglary. Please send me to the scientologists. That's the only way I'll change. Honest). Way to happiness, we can bring peace and unite cultures(and you've done a great job so far! Hats off to you sir!), uh, that once you know these tools and you know that they work, it’s not good enough that I’m just OK. Traveling around the world and meeting the people that I’ve met. Talking with these leaders in various fields(What fields? Oh, they're various...don't doubt they're variousity!!!), they want help, and they are depending on people who know, and who can be effective and do it, and that’s us, that is our responsibility to do that(It? That? WHAT????).

It is the time now. Now is the time, okay? (Soooo....it's later, right? No? Wait, it's RIGHT NOW!!! Oh shit, I didn't get a card and I forgot the balloons!) It is, being a Scientologist, people are turning to you, so you better know it(If they turned to you, wouldn't you know it?). You better know it(Geez, OK!), and if you don’t(NO SOUP FOR YOU!), you know, go learn it(Recognizing the complex signs of people-turners and how to know it and when to know it - OH YOU BETTER KNOW IT! - by Tom Cruise). (Laughs) You know?('face palm')

But don’t pretend you know it (that's our job)and, or whatever. It’s like, we’re here to help (It's, like, whatever, like, ya know? Like? Ok, cool).

If you’re a Scientologist, you see life, you see things the way that they are(and thetans...loooooots of thetans). In all its glory, you know, all of its complexity(and volcanoes). Uh, the more you know as a Scientologist, you don’t become overwhelmed by it(You just have lots of it...if the "it" is money).

(Laughs) And uh, they said, “So, have you met an SP” (SHATNER PROBLEM)(big laugh) (Thank you)I looked at them and I thought, “What a beautiful thing,” because maybe one day it will be like that, you know? You know what I’m saying. Maybe one day it will be that “Wow, SP, they just read about those in the history books.”("The Shatner Problem had been solved...nations rejoiced together in song) You know?(Oh, I do)

I just got through that tech, and it’s literally…it’s not how to run from an SP(although, nowadays, running from Shatner is easy). It’s how to shatter suppression, confront and shatter suppression. You apply it, and it’s like, boom(well more like "shatter", because "boom" would indicate an explosion and "shatter" is more like...well, I don't know an onomatopoeia for "shatter". "Crash" is close, but...).

Because, they don’t come up to be and do that. They don’t do it to me. Not to my face(just behind my back), or anywhere in my vicinity (fact: Tom Cruise's back is NOWHERE NEAR HIM!)where they feel they can confronted, you know. They just don’t do it(Wait, weren't we supposed to do "it"? I'm confused...better scroll up. Nope, didn't help.).

I wish the world was a different place (I wish there was no Germany). I’d like to go on vacation and go and romp and play and just do that(what about "frolic"? You got something about frolicking?). You know what I mean? (Not an iota)I mean, that’s what I want it to be. That’s how, there’s times I want to do that but I can’t because I know.(Leia: I love you. Han:) I know. So, you know I have to do something about it. It’s not, you know you can sit here wish it was different and then you look at it and you go “Okay, this is it.” You know, I have to do something, don’t I? I have to do it, because I can’t live with myself if I don’t. That really is it.

(OK, let me see if I can speak "Cruise", since it's obviously a different language. Ahem....'I can do it, because I can't not do it. It must be done. If it is not done, it is not done and you go, OK, I didn't do it. So I do it.' TA-DA!)

I don’t care if someone thinks it’s hard or easy. You’re either helping and contributing everything you can or you’re not, okay? Because I’m carrying my load, okay?(We can see that...and what a load it is) And as much as I’m carrying(and he's carrying a TON!), I still feel like I have to do more. Alright? There is still a thing of, let’s go(Mission Impossible 4: The Letsing Going).

You can just see the look in their eyes, you know the ones that are doing it and you know the spectators, the ones who are going, “Well, it’s easy for you” or “What am I doing” and it’s just, that thing is, I’ve canceled that in my area (laughs)(No more Cinemax for me!) It’s like, man, you’re either in or you’re out(Scientology is like high school...who knew?). That’s spectatorism, and it’s something that we have no time for right now(maybe later...after coffee).

So, it’s our responsibility to educate, create the new reality(Recruit the computer nerds!!!). We have that responsibility to say, “Hey, this is the way it should be done, because we do it this way and people are actually getting better.” (It = TBA)

And let’s get it done. Let’s really get it done. Have enough love, compassion, and toughness that you’re going to do it and, uh, do it right.

And I have to tell you something. (NO? REALLY?)I really, it is, it’s rough and tumble. It’s wild and wooly. It’s a blast. It’s a blast. It really is fun(Scientology=Space Mountain), because damn it there is nothing better than going out there and fighting the fight and suddenly you see things are better(sings: "I can see clearly now, the psychiatrists are gone!").

I want to know that I’ve can do everything I could everyday and I think about those people out there who depending on us("when you absolutely, positively have to fight Xenu right now!"). And I think about that. And it does make me feel like, (laughs) we’ve got more work. I need more help(We can all agree on the "you needing help" part). Get those spectators(GET 'EM!!!)—you’re in the playing field or out of the arena(what about a stadium? is that the same as an arena? how about a theater? a civic center?). (Laughs) You know, really, that’s how I feel about it.

I do what I can and I do it the way I do everything (with a heaping spoonful of crazy)(laughs). There’s nothing part of the way for me (laughs). (I AM EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME!)

Announcer: A Scientologist can be defined by a single question(Will people believe the crap I say?): Would you want others to achieve the knowledge you now have?(Tom's Knowledge: "Never F**K WITH SPEILBERG"). In answering that question(Did he answer the question? Was the answer "It" or "What" or "Do" or "I 'HEART' KATIE HOLMES'???), Tom Cruise has introduced LRH technology to over one billion people on earth(He has given Satellite TV to Bedouins and Gypsies), and that’s only the first wave he’s unleashed(Next year, they're gettin' HD). Which is why the story of Tom Cruise Scientologist has only just begun (to liiiiiive, white lace and prommmmmmiiiiiises. A kiss for luck and he's on hiiiiiis waaaaay).

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